I had an illuminating trip with Peter a couple weeks ago.
This is Peter.
He is my husband of 11 years and 2 baby boys.
It started at 4:30 am with a taxi ride to the airport, followed by several sausage biscuits, cini-minis and a super size coca-cola.
Disgusting? Yes. Delicious? Absolutely.
I rediscovered that Peter is the funniest person I know. He is also the most fun. Like, “being-up-at-4:30am-when-you-only-went-to-bed-at-1am-is-still-fun-cause-it’s-our-date-without-the-kids-trip” FUN. Like, “even-though-this-is-a-work-trip-the-fact-that-we’re-together-makes-it-awesome” fun.
Yea, just like that.
Thing is, I also rediscovered some other things. Well, this one thing in particular.
Like, the husband is not the kids.
This may seem obvious at first glance, but I assure you, it is not. If you are a mom then you are programmed to organize, instruct, double-check, quiz, check up on, question, instruct, boss, and supervise your kids.
Unfortunately, these habits can spill over onto the husband. And, dang if the husband don’t like it!
Thing is, when he pointed out to me what I was doing, it was kind of a relief to stop doing it. When I dialed down the mommy-switch things got a lot quieter. I could hear myself think again. And suddenly all the running lists I am used to hearing in my head took a back seat to Peter.
Which is a really good thing. Because, as I said before, Peter is really fun. And I wouldn’t have wanted to miss a minute of it.
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
So, so true.
Yea, like calling my little guys “Buddy” all day, my husband normal “Honey” will occasionally get slipped the “Buddy” endearment. We just laugh, but seriously, not cool.
That’s funny! Actually, for years my husband used to call me “buddy.” I think it started because we were friends for a long time before we were more than friends. And the buddy part just stuck.
Great reminder, and I’ve been there too. It’s very hard to turn off that omnipresent, mommy effort to stay two steps ahead. I can’t seem to do it actually. Although I can hit my own mute button and at least stop saying most of it out loud.
Yes, exactly. The mute button is definitely a step in the right direction. Some tired, raggedy nights I struggle to even find that.
Thank goodness our husbands are not our kids…exception to this may be when the dirty clothes get thrown on the floor. Then I do pull out, “You owe me $.25 mister!” (I charge a quarter per piece of dirty I find on the floor…it’s a good way for a mama to make a little spending cash!)
Oh, I have *got* to start doing something similar – how is it possible for the boys in my family to drop socks left right and center wherever they take them off?? Good grief!
I am definitely adopting this little trick……I will be a millionaire by next week!!!!
OK, seriously – you just made me laugh out loud! {Hi Gavin: you can thank me later. I like rusks and biltong and appletizer. None of which they have Stateside.}
I often act as if I am the only adult in the house. Guilty as charged. I throw myself on the mercy of the court.
Oh me too, me too! hee hee
“When I dialed down the mommy-switch things got a lot quieter. I could hear myself think again. And suddenly all the running lists I am used to hearing in my head took a back seat to Peter.” {nods head vigorously in agreement.}
(I bet you’re going to tell me I should stop cutting up his meat for him, too, right?)
Oh my gosh – good thing I wasn’t drinking anything when I read this!! I so would have sprayed it everywhere. Yes, cutting up his meat may be a tad over the line. But, just a tad.
so true! great reminder for us all!
Great day, am I ever guilty of this. The sad part is that there have been times when I have known good and well that I was belittling him this way, and my full-of-flesh self just kept right on going. So not cool! In 15 years of marriage I’ve made huge strides in this by the grace of God. I think of that part in the Proverbs 31 chapter about how the noble wife brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life. So convicting!
It is one of those practice makes perfect things, isn’t it? Or, in my case, trial and error!
Been there. Done that. It’s especially hard to remember when he’s acting like a child. But God didn’t call us to mother our husbands, did he? Respect is what we’re called to do… ugg… if I could only hammer this into my brain a little more!
Exactly! And me too!
Oh my gosh… so funny! Sometimes I find myself talking to my husband like I talk to our pugs.
No. Good John. Bad John. Sit. No, sit here. Sit.
Stop. No. Dinner! Treat? Carrott?
Off the couch. No. Off. Now…
*oops*
Now – that – is funny!
great reminder! our husbands are such a blessing to us! Love the picture of you too:)
Aww shucks, thanks. (And I think one of my kids totally threw up right after this picture was taken -now there’s the *real* face of motherhood!!)
WOW, just read a couple of your posts…love the way you write…so real…such useful…thoughtful…fun and encouraging thoughts…thanks!
Can you say new follower!
Can you say, “just made my day!”
Nice to meet you – thanks for stopping by and the great shout-out. I lurrrrvvv to meet new folks who hang around here!
It is so easy to treat your husband like your kid… especially when on autopilot (and when… occasionally… he is like one of the kids and needs reminders where to put the dirty clothes…)
But mostly I know I don’t like to be treated that way, so that keeps me from doing it. Most of the time.
Yea, I have a real hard time turning off the autopilot too!
Fortunately for our marriage, before Jordan even officially asked me, we agreed that I am not, never want to be, and HE never wants me to be his mommy.
Getting that out on the table up front has saved us quite a bit of grief!
Now there’s one for the marriage vows, eh?
Oh, I am so guilty of this! I’m guilty of doing the mommy snap… you know the one that your kids can hear from across a time zone and in that moment of hearing, know that they’re busted? Well, out of reflex I used the mommy snap on my husband one time at the movie theater… needless to say, it did not go over well
I’m glad I’m not alone! I have reminded my husband to brush his teeth at night…is it really so bad to want my husband to have healthy teeth and good breath?
OK, I *totally* do that too. But really, it’s in his best interests – because who wants to cosy up to stinky breath, eh? Blech!