It’s not always how you might imagine.
I think cupcakes are very effective. But not as effective as sharing stories of failure.
Admitting we don’t have it altogether and that some days motherhood makes us feel just plain inadequate on every level. Showing our scars and the stories behind them. More importantly confiding how we emerged and lived to tackle another day.
Laughing. Loud and long and late into the night.
Stopping in the middle of everything – boiling over potatos and hamburgers on the grill – to really, truly listen to something a son is trying to share.
Encouraging.
Letting a friend cry without shame for as long as she needs to – with you.
And cupcakes. Always with the cupcakes.
OK, your turn.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Ask questions! By asking a question, you actually tell a lot about yourself. Wouldn’t you agree?
We all enjoy sharing about our children and lets face it, that is most likely how we came to know some of recent girlfriends. But as much as I enjoy talking over Will”s love of yogurt or lack of control in the classrom I really, mostly, want to know about YOU. Where did you grow up, and how was it ? Do you have a Mom and Dad or siblings in town ? Especially if you do not, because I do not and it gets lonely. So many levels of lonely. And how did you get that scar ? And have you always worn glasses or did you just start like me ? I CAN’T TELL YOU how many women I know that I don’t know much about them at all. Yet I know a ton about their kids. What happened to us ? The real kicker is when you do find something out ? “…You’re kidding, you love to go hiking at starved rock state park ? So do I ! Have you ever been there for the Fall colors tour ? So Beautiful “. Its like geesh, where have you been ? Yet you have been right here the whole time. Oh, and a hot cup of tea with some sort of sweet on the side, that just takes it up to another level of perfection.
Preach it! Seriously, you hit some great points here. I think I smell a blog post, eh…..
I think you might need chip and dip to balance out the cupcakes
and LISTENING – w/o judgment and trying to justify or fix it just being a space for them to open up.
Lib,
chips and dip- I love!
(And listening, too, of course. )
Feeding people – not just physical food, but spiritual and emotional food to encourage and sustain them
Listening, inquiring, and being fully present
Finding their strengths and gifts and bringing them into the light so that they can see them too
Love what you and Jenny said. It’s such a gift we can give people if they can cry, be real, be accepted and loved unconditionally. Then on top of it, to be able, Like Jenny said, to reflect their strengths, or help them see their own giftings as they talk… it’s powerful – magnetic. I think the other thing I do that helps is to mirror the person’s body language, speed of speech and volume. For an adult, that’s like kneeling down to talk at eye-level with one of our kids – levels the playing field, which creates a safer place for the person we’re talking to.