Sometimes at the end of the week I’m too tired to be much good for anything or anyone.
I get that “my eyes feel like they’ve been crying” sensation, even when they haven’t. My head aches and my lips can’t seem to absorb enough Vaseline. I’m hungry, but making a meal seems like a gigantic effort and it’s much easier just to sit here on the couch, absorbing all the silence along with the huff and puff of the heater.
It soothes me.
To just sit here and be still for a bit.
To leave the laundry and the dishes and that weird, dried-up-something that’s on the carpet and just be. Not for long. I know it can’t last for long. There are a slew of deadlines and the unexpected doctor’s appointment I had to schedule for my snot-nosed boys and their too-warm-foreheads. But my head and my body both seem to need a break right now and so I sit with hands wrapped around a cup of warm tea and let the snow falling outside come and fall inside my brain too.
Coating the worries and frenetic wonderings of “how will we get it all done” and “who will watch the big kids when the little one arrives” and “can one really fit 3 car seats across the back row” with a blanket of white.
Soft, white words falling into my emptiness:
Let me Bless you with My grace and peace. Open your heart and mind to receive all that I have for you. Do not be ashamed of your emptiness. Instead, view it as the optimal condition for being filled with My Peace. Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence
To feel weak and broken and inadequate – there is no shame in this.
There is no shame in this.
Because I am made of sinews that tire and flesh that gets hungry and lungs that can’t seem to catch their breath. And all that is laced through with sin that wants to trap me in my tiredness and tell me I am no good.
So I sit and exhale.
And let Him breathe back into this space – all this empty tired space I give to the One who promises to fill it up with good and strong and courage.
And there is no shame in that.
{Photos from last year’s epic blizzard in the DC area.}
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no shame in that at all. oh, to be filled by His Presence. blessings and grace to to, friend.
The trap I fall into is feeling ashamed for my impatience with Him. I struggle with His clock (and his methods) on a daily basis. Any advice on that?
Thank you, mama, for sharing such encouraging words for a situation I too often find myself in.
I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog. Finally taking a minute to comment
There is no shame in it. You are so right!! Too many times, we try to shake off that feeling with being busy being busy instead of allowing Him to flood our souls, renew our spirits. You chose well!!
So often we get our “do” mixed up with our “who”. Our value comes from who we are in Christ, not what we do. There are voices all around that try to convince us we need to do more. The more you do, the better you are they say. They lie. Rest in Jesus – it’s a good thing.
I’ve been meditating on this for a while now, and this popped up in today’s devotional:
Be content to RELAX into the mystery of being loved.
More than not, I am not relaxed or resting. I am constantly aware of my mile long todo list and worried about the next thing to be added. I also have worried about all the cad seats fitting, how we’ll ever manage to replace our ailing, peeling, coming up kitchen floor, where the boys will go to school next year, etc.
I know when I do relax into the mystery of being loved the flow I feel is real and the list seems shorter and the inside of my heart doesn’t feel dry enough to blow away…
Blessings, dearest. You’re in my prayers.
Isn’t it amazing how we can feel shame in this all wrong world when all He wants is to love us and shower us with everything we need…when His love is actually closest to us?
I’ve been loving Jesus Calling and the water for my parched soul and breath for my weariness in this New Year too. Sending you hugs and shalom:)
I am sure you are comforting many (including me) with this post today.
“In quietness and trust shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30
there is no shame in being empty. oh how my heart needed to hear this. waiting for His peace – i know it will come. until then, i’ll rest in the emptiness and know regardless, He finds my brokenness beautiful.
Thank you….needed to hear that.
Thank you for this- it is a much needed reminder to lean on Him in the loneliest, emptiest times. That’s sometimes a difficult and powerful thing to do.
I can so relate. I seem to feel that way every couple of months, usually with twinges of some of those feelings on a near daily basis. : ) I think motherhood has a way of doing that to you though, and it can really be a good thing too. — All the breaking & stretched-to-the-limit feelings. Our weaknesses are so apparent on just about every level (at least mine are)…spiritually, emotionally, physically, that if I don’t acknowledge & accept my inadequacies & get help from the Lord I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everything that life & children bring. All that to say, I liked your post!
Ahhhhh, this is so refreshing to read. It’s okay to be still. In a society that says the total opposite, and yes, even the Church touts a different message; but the truth remains. I feel empty more often than full some weeks, but He is gracious.
I believe Max Lucado put it something like this…”God’s smile is not for the healthy hiker who boasts he made it all the way himself. It is for the lame blind man who begs for a back on which to ride.”
Empty is how He needs us because when we are empty He can fill us.
Thanks for the reminder.
Amen.
I, too, say “thank you”. I so often feel shame and guilt when I am dry and empty – shouldn’t I always feel full of joy because I know Jesus? But I forget that the Christian life is one of seasons…..and winter must come, sometimes.
I did this last night! I had to, and it was hard for me, because I felt a little lazy and a little selfish, but I AM a little lazy and selfish, and sometimes it’s alright not to pretend, to just sit and eat ice cream and pray that God will give me more strength, or at least some strength. It’s a new lesson for me, but I’m happy to learn it. I hear you sista!
ahhhh….
Yes.
You remind me to exhale. And isn’t the air He breathes back in so sweet?
Sometimes we need someone wise and full of grace to tell us it is all right. I have felt such a call to this – this sitting quietly and waiting. I cannot hear Him when I am pushing through the weariness and all the noise.
Thank you for this Lisa-Jo.
Sometimes we all need that moment of quiet just to remember and concentrate on the wonderful grace we are given.
And the answer to the carseat question is yes, with absolutely no room to spare however. I have no children, yet I have 3 carseats across the back seat of my car. Getting all 3 kids buckled in can be quite interesting also I’m afraid.
I hope that you don’t mind – I stole that last bit (I gave you the credit) and posted it on my blog. Oh I needed to hear that today. So much. Thank you.