It doesn’t help me to think you have it all together.
It doesn’t help me if your house is immaculate for the three hours this week that I come over to visit. If your kids are perfectly groomed. To see your menu planned for the entire week. To believe that you never have any “bad mom moments.”
It doesn’t help me to feel like you never lose it, shriek like a banshee, or want to take off running after the ice cream truck from time to time. It doesn’t help me to see your perfect homeschooling plans, but never get a glimpse of the mess ups, the projects that flopped or the kids who couldn’t have cared less. It doesn’t help me to think you think less of me because my kids will probably go to public school.
It doesn’t help me to think you are always cool calm and collected or that you actually iron on a regular basis.
It doesn’t help me to think you never forget show and tell, to put on make up, or your mind.
It doesn’t help me to think that cracking open your Bible comes easier to you than logging into Facebook, because it doesn’t to me.
It doesn’t help me to think that your life is perfect. And I’m guessing it doesn’t help you either.
So, for my part, you should know that I can be smitten with newborn love one minute and weeping with tired the next. You should know that while I might know that I am walking on holy ground, that doesn’t stop me from getting irritated at how often that ground is strewn with cracker crumbs and yesterday’s socks. That the big kids are watching way more Bob the Builder and Mighty Machines than is healthy for them and that their eating habits have followed suit.
You should know that I often find them too big, too loud, too rowdy compared to my delicate new baby girl. And that that feeling has surprised me.
You should know that carrots under my sofa sometimes go ignored, mail piles up and I try to keep the playroom door closed so as to pretend that I don’t see how much it resembles a post-apocalyptic landscape.
For my part, you should know that my life is ordinary in all the very best ways. But that some days I fail to appreciate that. I dream of maid service and room service and a personal chef. But mostly, I just dream of having family in the vicinity instead of a plane ride away.
I guess what I’m saying is that, for my part, I’d like you to know that you and me sister, I think our stories have a lot in common. And sometimes just saying that out loud is the very best way to help any kind of mom.
::
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AMEN SISTER! I was actually just thinking of a blog post from my screaming and um, cursing at the cat today as I battled him to get out the back door and he came in the house anyway. Then I realized my neighbors were outside and I am CERTAIN they heard my potty mouth. Oh Lord Help me. So, I’m not perfect and I won’t pretend to be. You can come over for coffee but just don’t look in the closets or under the couch cushions!
Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
I completely adore your happy-weepy-always-keepin’-it-real sweet self. Completely.
Oh, I like you so much! And if I lived near you I would totally come give you a great big hot fudge brownie sundae while we sat and laughed at the idea of our laundry piles coming alive, or pretend that the thing growing in the dirty dishes in our sink is purposeful — a homeschool science project.
This post is the reason I follow your blog. You are so honest and open and I love you for it. So many times I see people who seem to have it all together. I struggle on a daily basis but our children are so worth it aren’t they. Enjoy Zoe and the boys housework never goes anywhere xxx
Oh I so remember the changes… when I had a three year old and then a newborn. I was struck by the silence I wanted and chatter I received. I remember the confusion in my mind between the baby left behind and the toddler I received when coming home with my baby. I cried, I cried tears. Of overwelmed feelings of a C section delivery early. A tiny newborn and a three year old who wanted MOMMY in the worst way and mommy being so tired and sore who in so many ways wanted neither one. JUST a nap. JUST a quiet nap. then I will be ok. I am 56 and a grandma of six and I still remember the tears, the adjustment, the shock of the children who depended on me. Me… who had nothing to give. WE all survived by God’s grace. I am glad.
I LOVE hearing testimonies like this, from mamas who have been here, done that, so long ago and survived on God’s grace! Thank you for sharing!
I remember the craziness of 3 babies in 37 months! Can’t believe I actually did that!
It was truly by God’s sweet grace, day by day, moment by moment, that I mothered them all. Tears, losing it, loving them and my husband-it was all worth it.
“you and me sister”
I’m with ya.
So do not read my post today.
The new-mama-sleep-deprived-me would despise the my-garage-is-oh-so-organized me of today.
Now “There are Rats in My Cellar”–that’s a “you and me sister post”
Thank you for the good reminder.
I’m going to link to this post.
You little one is beautiful.
And Bob the Builder is a good guy–they’ll be fine.
I can tell even in the midst of it all…you are savoring the moments.
It doesn’t help unless you picture in your mind she probably spends so much time maintaining that facade and that deep inside she wishes she were more like you..and Ashe probably does!
Chris
Your words speak such truth. I believe as women we need to be honest with each other. We put SO much pressure on ourselves and on each other because we want to focus on the positive, but we can’t make things look too easy or too perfect because it makes other women wonder what is wrong with them. It is a tough balance.
xoxo.
Oh, I remember those days. (Sort of. It’s all kind of a blur–a daze–if you don’t mind a bad pun.
You write wonderfully well. I’ve no idea how I’ve stumbled onto your blog tonight, but I am so glad I did. Here’s to keeping it real–cause it matters!
Can I just say? I only ironed my husband’s shirts tonight because they were big pile on the ironing board and I was afraid he wouldn’t have one to wear to work soon?
I despise ironing and never buy anything for myself that requires it because it doesn’t get worn. But I also have 2 small boys and they look ridiculously cute when they wear “fancy” shirts like Daddy! If I ever remember to look in the closet where they are hanging up rather than in their drawers where all the other clothes are!
Oh, and the whole facebook/Bible thing. Yeah. Totally me. And yet they asked me to be the leader of our Mom’s Bible study next year. Me. Freaking out. Not leader material.
Thank you so much for that. If I didn’t know better I would have thought you were at lunch with me on Friday with a group of mothers who have been thrown together with the only thing in common is that we had babies around the same time. Don’t get me wrong I love it and it became a session of ‘I’m a better mom than you’ session. Rolling over, weaning, sleeping, sitting up,etc. I wanted to scream.
As I looked at my precious boy, I had to remind myself that I’m not the best mom in the world, but I am the best mom to him. He might not do all of those things yet, but he will and when he does he will still think I am the best mom cause I’m the one cheering him on.
We all need to know that is it okay to have those bad mom moments. Wish I had the nerved to say that in the group, instead I keep quiet. Oh well, Latham still loves me and he does roll over. Ha.
Suzi
This was a very encouraging comment, Suzi. “I may not be the best but I’m the best mom to my kids.” I gotta remember that one. And that they’ll think I’m the best cuz I’m cheering them on. So good! Thank you!
I like to think of my house as a working ranch, not the showcase one! I had to train myself to stop apologising for the mess to friends who came round for a cuppa!
Amen indeed! And I completely echo your cry for the wish of family in the vicinity instead of a long plane ride away. sigh Just keep going…the days are long but the years are short. Right?
x
You are awesome.
My reality is so close to yours.
Thank you for your honesty. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one. This does help. Great post!
Girl, I remember those days soooo well. It’s gets better–in about 10 years!!
Is your MIL still there? Let me know when you are up for some company and I’ll come on by with dinner for you and the crew. And I’ll even throw in some laundry and pick up a little bit while you take yourself a nice big nap. In the quiet. Yummmmmm….
I’m not as good as a personal chef or house cleaning service, but I can come close!
When I had William, all I remember telling Natalie is “Put another video in, Honey. Maybe at the end of this one the baby will be asleep.” NOT. Hahahahahaha!!!!
Love you lots. Call me. Really.
Your every post touches me to tears! THANK YOU for saying it so perfectly — that being imperfect is our reality.
Wait? Did I write this? Everything, EVERYTHING, you said is exactly what I have said or felt about myself and about those seemingly perfect mom friends of mine. The family a plane ride away? Me too.
I want you to know that your honesty in your writing always comes through. When you are writing about holy ground, it is a wake up call for me to appreciate where I am in my life. You never fail to make me think about and look at my life differently, if only for a couple minutes. You should know that all the beauty of your writing enhances your honesty and never masks the truth that you are a mom, just like me, trying your hardest to do your best.
Oh Lisa-Jo,
How true, how very true…
Please know you are so loved! I’m out of the new born stage and I still have those weepy days where everything is a disaster and my kids watch too much tv. There’s this rumour going around that I have it all together… and let me tell you sister, I don’t. Thank you for being so real. Remember, that even if you think someone’s got it all together, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that is the truth. We’re all so good at hiding our real selves. Why do we feel that we can’t be real with each other all the time. Thank you so much for being real in this post!!!
I’m with you on the family being far away. I wish they were closer.
Hugs!!!
Amen. And Amen.
Preach it!
For reals – my life resembles yours in nearly every way. But I often fall into the trap of comparing myself to other moms, too. Every time I do that, no one wins. Makes me hate/envy them, makes me pity myself, makes me ungrateful towards Him who gave me all messy and wonderful things. I think there should be one day a month where Moms on facebook/twitter/blogs everywhere have to absolutely type the honest brutality of crazy mom-hood. It would do us good to all commiserate/rejoice together!
Do you actually know someone like that? For real???? I don’t think that woman exists. I think that is a woman who is so stressed about putting up appearances of perfection she is probably closer to the edge of insanity than the rest of us that just accept the piles of laundry, the dirt on the floor, and the dishes in the sink and enjoy our children, take a nap when we need it, and open our doors to friends who don’t care about the dust collecting.
Agreed. Surely no one is all things at all times. But I think many pretend to be. Hence my plea for honesty and messy living rooms
You soooooooo spoke to me today! Truly! I’m humbled!
I forget sometimes how appearances aren’t everything and they aren’t meaningful. I spent time with a friend yesterday and poured out my heart about what was on my mind at the moment. I was hurt and needed to talk with someone – with her. I awoke this morning to lies that I shouldn’t have told her and that she might not like me now, and that now I need to sweep things up and appear as though my life is better than I’m feeling.
You reminded me that truth is in the living honestly. Thank you.
Oh Lisa-Jo, I could relate to EVERYTHING in this post. And I’m an “OLD” mom!!! My kids are teenagers and yet I still feel judged for sending them to public school. I still wish my family was nearby. I have many of the same feelings you share.
Thank you for being real.
Love this, so glad I’m not the only one!
Thanks!
Beautifully said, Lisa-Jo! I couldn’t agree more. Can it be true when that baby is already 9 months old? I hope so.
Yes please, I’d like to know there’s plenty of grace still waiting on the road up ahead too
I think this applies to all areas of life. We don’t do anyone any benefit by hiding our imperfections. We end up feeling so alone because we think no one else goes through what we’re going through. I try my best to be totally open with my struggles in parenting and marriage and life in general.
You, my friend? ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Hear hear! What a great post to remind ourselves that striving for perfection isn’t what makes our kids happy and well. It’s admitting that we’re imperfect parents who do the best we can to love our kids that does. Great post!
Thank you for this. I am quite a people-pleaser and need a *daily* reminder that perfectionism is not going to show love to anyone. I find so much more acceptance, grace, and relief in a friend’s messy kitchen or un-returned email than a prompt response or spotless room, because in those moments I am reminded that I love people for who they are and not how perfect they are, and I would do well to apply that logic to my own self.
Enjoy those moments with that precious bundle of yours.
Heavens, lovely, you’re doing ace! I’m not a mom (alas, yet), but I could relate to much of this post, just as a woman.
Cxx
LOVE this post! Mothering is the great equalizer
In the same spirit, please visit me and read this:
http://mariasblogofthisandthat.blogspot.com/2011/04/are-you-smarter-than-2-year-old.html
I know you wrote this specifically from a new mom perspective, but it is true all across the board. How can we the best friend possible? By not putting up a *perfect* front. Great post!
Bernice
Keeping little hands busy while mommy works
Oh. my. gosh. I love this. And you! This is so honest and fantastic and I relate to ALL of it! I wrote a similar post a few days ago. It really helps just to write it all down like this, it really does. I need a daily reminder that I am NOT alone in the messiness of mothering. THANK YOU!!
i’m not a mom, yet. not even close to being one. but i love this post. i love how honest, how genuine, how pure it is. i love the transparency, the admitting that you don’t have it all together and that sometimes, that’s okay. despite how you may feel, it’s a pretty beautiful thing and an awesome example to the rest of us.
oh and you are a fantastic writer! your posts never cease to be captivating.
I’m with ya sister. I personally don’t even like going over to someones super clean house with my active 3-almost-4 year-old. I don’t care if that is the only 3 hours it looks like that, I will drive myself crazy trying to make The Boy behave and not make a mess while we are there.
If you walk into my house you’ll find dishes in the sink, crumbs on the floor, and at least one load of laundry waiting to be folded. The only reason I know where my iron and board are is because I try to take time for me to quilt and you need to have wrinkle free fabric for the thing to come out right.
Nice to know there are more of us not perfect but good enough for our families mom’s out there.
Kara
Oh, AMEN! I love this! Thank you for it.
What is this iron you speak of? Haha. (get a spray bottle, and add 1/4 cup downy fabric softener to it, and then fill it the rest of the way with water… shake it up. When you have wrinkled clothes, you can spray them with that mixture, and shake them out, and the wrinkles will disappear. Depending on the size of your spray bottle you might have to adjust the mixture a bit, but it works great!)
And, in the interest of being completely honest, I feel compelled to not dust my house today, or clean the bathrooms. Ha!
Oh Lisa-Jo, this made me cry tears of understanding… I have been wandering around my house all day, carrying my 8-month old so that he doesn’t hurt himself on all of the clutter, or eat something that will cause me to call poison control. Every room is a mess and when I attempt to clean or fix anything, it just feels that I’m simply moving piles from room to room. SO. No judgements here. Just loving thoughts being sent your way. (And after I get the clothes off of the line, and lay the baby down for a nap, I just may take a nap myself…).
Peace, my dear.
I needed to read this post today. Thanks Lisa-Jo.
I think this is just wonderful Lisa-Jo. My babies are long grown, with children of their own – but I remember those days exactly as you have described them. There were days I never got much further than getting dressed in the morning let alone organizing the family for the day. This is real life. I’m not close enough to come over and hold that baby for a while, but I will be carrying you in my prayers.
Oh sweet Mama!! YOU should know that I’m crying because I feel you! And I think you should know just a few of the many ways I relate. You should know that my heart aches because my day off from my in home Nannysitting job that is supposed to be spent with wonderful time without end with my four-year-old has been interrupted many times. Some of which include my checking facebook. You should know that it took me the better part of the morning to decide to put on a bra and that over said bra I’m still wearing pajamas and while that is a wonderful thing that I long for many days and even attain, I feel guilty. I wonder if I’m spending my day wisely or if I should’ve taken my daughter to the park. I don’t cook enough lately and I ache for the days of yesteryear when my family sat down together to eat our meals. At least supper. I question my parenting skills or lack thereof and I scratch my head over yet another weekly chart for four-year-old gone ignored.
I’m glad to be part of the group of women who know we don’t have it all together. The women who still look to Him to sort it all out but stumble quite often along the way. I’m grateful for the testimonies of grace and for ANN’S BOOK! THANK YOU JESUS! And I am trying to learn to be thankful even in the midst of mess and chaos and nothing is going right.
I thank you, Lord, for this precious woman! I’m grateful for the heart of a mama to share her world even when it’s topsy turvy.
P.S. Lisa-Jo, my Mom has oft’ told stories of raising the four of her young with Mama passed. Her mom died when my Mama was only 19, married with her firstborn baby. There was no mother-in-law to help. I’m so grateful for family near. I cannot comprehend how difficult that must be for you and it makes me want to call my Mama and say, “MAMA! Pray for Gypsy Mama!” I know she gets it! I’ll have to dig out a copy of the poem she wrote when the four of us were small. I remember at least one line… “refereeing fighting, arguments and games, calling one child by the other one’s name…” And “eating your supper with one in your lap”.
My girls are spread out and I have a grandson 16 months old while my youngest is only four. CRRAAZZY! But I’m not alone! I have people like you sharing your every day crazy and Sister, THAT HELPS!!
I wish comments had a like button, like on Facebook.
LIKE!
SO refreshing to read, dear lady! I feel like I post way more about how hard of a time I have with mothering than how much I do quite enjoy it! But, it’s reality for me right now – and I love reading the realness of others, so thank you!
Seriously one of the best blog-posts I’ve EVER ready. Thank YOU for writing!
YES!!!! I don’t feel so bad about ignoring the gummy vitamins strewn under my couch that my 2 year old threw there to pretend he ate them…or the crumbs I’m currently wiping off my feet…or the fact that my kids are watching TV AGAIN because I’m 6 weeks pregnant and exhausted. Why do we try to pretend that we have it all together? Why do we let ourselves think that everyone else has it all together? So nice to know I’m normal!
Well, I could just cry and hug you, sister. And say “Oh THANK GOD!” I feel your tired, your poor, your scrambled messes yearning to be cleaned. Yes, ma’m. I do. BUT… as my baby is now approaching 5 months, I am starting to feel like the end of that era is nearing, slowly but surely. That some day soon I will cook (semi/sometimes) real meals, that there will not be peanut butter still smeared on my window from December, that I will care enough to clean up the popcorn fiesta more immediately than 5 days later (or so). And so it will be for you, too.
And with that, I need to rescue my baby who has been crying for nearly 15 minutes (thus ending my siesta) and go pick up my kids from school, for which I am late.
Have a great day.
For my part?
I left an apartment in Germany a few weeks ago… I closed the door on the bed full of folded but not put away laundry… And the box of cereal the boys poured their breakfast from is probably still on the table- open. I also don’t think I even thought to clean underneath the couch before we left…
We’re living out of suitcases and will for two more weeks. I haven’t folded our laundry, but have just shoved it all back in suitcases; telling myself, “later. i’ll do it later.”
I screamed at my boys today in the car- a road trip to pick them up from my in-laws. They were crying and uncomfortable and tired and I’d had enough. So I yelled- 45 minutes after hugging them for the first time in 5 days, I yelled. They cried and promptly closed their eyes and fell asleep.
Honest.
My life? Just honesty, here.
No perfection. Never.
My i’s are undotted. My t’s left uncrossed.
But love?
Uh huh. There’s plenty of that…
Thank you.
Just… thank you
Please don’t come by my house today. The only thing you’ll see out of place is the dishes that need washed.
But.
Me and my 8-week-old had nothing to do with it! I promise! My husband hates having the house a mess, so he decided to clean up…once again. I can live with the mess, and I do quite often. I only do laundry when we really need it. And I’m currently avoiding making dinner for myself…
I’d much rather enjoy these moments than have everything be even semi-perfect. Because one day, I’ll be able to clean the house whenever I want without someone needing me every five minutes. And I know that I will miss it.
Well, I do actually iron on a regular basis but that’s about all I can lay claim to (and it’s out of necessity since DH needs his clothes ironed for work).
I love the realness of this post. We were a sick-house this week and completely in survival mode. I just now finished folding the clean pile of kitchen linens/napkins/towels that have been gracing the floor of our TV room for 6 days now. I’m also half through the mountainous pile of laundry in the hall. {sigh}.
Last summer, I was outside and ran into my neighbor who I had wanted to show something to. I invited her in {without thinking} and the moment we walked in the front door, I regretted my impulsiveness. The house was a disaster of laundry/toys/books. Literally a disaster. It had been one of “those” weeks. I apologized and she laughed and said she was glad to see my house like this since I always looked so put together. My disaster was an encouragement to her
“MY DISASTER WAS AN ENCOURAGEMENT TO HER”
…. if we only realized the depth of truth in those words!
If we could truly see how futile our striving for perfection, how it pushes others away {or at least at arms length} and how our lay-it-all-out-there honesty actually connects us to others. We ALL have moments when we’re ashamed of the sharp and loud words that spill out before we think. We ALL have seasons where the kids eat too much crap and watch too much tv (especially if you don’t have friends or family close enough to help out). We ALL have sticky spots on the floor and socks the dog chewed laying in the corner. We ALL have days – or years – where pretty clothes and makeup are for the energetic {not us}. The messes, the imperfections, they are the earmarks of a REAL life. The disasters are REAL life.
Perfection is a deception we’ve allowed ourselves to believe. If we could be organized enough, clean enough, on time enough, pretty enough, fashionable enough, our kids behaved and smart enough then we’ll be worthy of love and acceptance. Such a lie! God is happy with us JUST AS WE ARE RIGHT NOW. No mess in my life is big enough to shake His love for me. There is deep rest in that truth if I will allow my heart to accept it.
Jenn, I hope you’re words stay with me as a reminder of truth…
‘MY DISASTER WAS AN ENCOURAGEMENT TO HER.’
Like!
I had to unload and reload the dishwasher twice yesterday in additional hand washing most of the pots and pans we own. But that’s just life sometimes, and that’s okay.
I’ll never forget the first time one of my best friends came over unexpectedly to pick something up and I told her “my house is a mess but come over anyway”…. and it was, and she did, and it was okay. That kind of vulnerability is hard and scary. Thanks for being honest about your non perfection – makes me like ya even more.
Did you know that this is lovely? In all its honesty, talk of messiness and weepiness – it’s just beautiful. And in all of it, it supports my desire to remain so intentional about being with my son.
I wish I had more to add or to encourage, other than I get it (at least in part) – as it’s almost midnight and just now is when I have the chance to read, write, and maybe catch up on something on the to-do or would-like-to-do list.
Thank you for this post. Thank you for sharing your true heart.
You are just so like-able!
How is that all these random readers (who me?) feel like you are that bestest-friend, good-neighbor, soul-sister all wrapped up in a brown-bordered blog post???
And those big, loud, clumsy, stinky boys? Isn’t it just too weird? How gentle & precious they were before the tiny pink bundle arrived? I have no idea. But I can tell you we sure experienced the same strange phenomenon…
=)
Thats awesome….. so honest, real and …ummmm….well, INSPIRING
You’ve been spying on me, haven’t you? No matter how hard we try, we are NEVER all together all the time. Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is just full of it.
sweet darling, i have no husband or kids or job to keep me busy and i STILL don’t have it all together. heck, i can barely keep my dog happy.
and my email inbox is starting to resemble your apocalyptic playroom. i couldn’t be less together if i tried, and i have learned to be pretty ok with that.
PS: i happen to think you are doing your life just brilliantly.
love you.
Aw, we’ve all been there. It’s life as a mom.
Hearing other moms’ struggles can be a real encouragement, to know that we’re not alone. My first trimesters (two so far) of pregnancy are so difficult that my house falls apart, and it’s extremely discouraging.
But I also have to say that seeing the shiny-happy stories of what mothering and homemaking CAN sometimes/someday be like gives me hope during the difficult seasons. I know that motherhood goes through cycles and seasons and stages and that they won’t all be a sleepless-newborn stage or a sick-pregnant stage, and I will be able to do art projects and mop my floors and decorate my home… and reading about that is extremely encouraging as well!
Right there with you! This is so spot-on. We all have different gifts and it’s easy to feel inferior or at least a little discouraged when we see someone else’s shine. It helps to remember that every single one of us has a little something in the closet. The mom with the perfectly clean house may be so obsessive about it that she stays up all night cleaning, or screams at her kids when they leave something on the floor. The mom with the super-organized calendar may feel completely out of control if she doesn’t think she has everything under control. And the homeschooling mom may be secretly plotting an escape for a private vacation, if only she didn’t feel so guilty for needing one. So adore your baby girl and love on her all you can, call a friend to make a playdate for your boys away from the house. Take a walk with the baby girl when your husband gets home from work, and call for take-out. My family live far away too, and there are times that I wish they were closer and other times when I’m glad they can’t just pop in. Here’s a virtual {{hug}} for you!
gypsy mama, the above is another blog I follow that I think you will also love; amazingly, you both wrote about similar things within this week (and one of you has a newborn and the other is very preggers). Thank you for blessing my day with your honesty and faith!! I am passing your blog along to her, too……….
I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’m sure I made people uncomfortable with my spick and span house, but in reality I was overworking and didn’t stop bleeding for 4 months after my first baby was born, because I was so afraid of being judged if I didn’t have it all together. (And part of the problem was that we lived close to family! So they aren’t always as edifying as you’d think) These days I’m getting much better at being real, but sometimes being 8 months pregnant and exhausted makes it very hard for me to be accepting of myself, and I end up falling back into my perfectionistic mindset. I write about it sometimes, just to preach at myself.
http://ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com/2011/03/not-perfect-but-i-hope-beautiful-anyway.html
Come visit my house… and you’ll feel better
And we can laugh at too much tv time and messy play rooms. I promise not to put away that gigantic pile of mail and schoolwork on my counter and I won’t even wear makeup. As long as you promise that you won’t judge when I shriek like a banshee and still haven’t folded that clean pile of clothes on the living room couch.
No pretending. Love this post. Weep away and enjoy that baby.
ps ironing? What’s that?
CARROTS under your sofa?
CARROTS?
I am so impressed. I have popcorn (and it’s microwave…not even the pietistic air-popped variety), candy wrappers, and old Band-aids.
***sigh***
I aspire to carrots under my sofa!
And, also, very good post.
Laughing! I am laughing so hard right now
Your popcorn would be welcome to hang with my carrots any time. I also believe there’s a chicken nugget or two willing to come along for the ride!
I. Just. Love. This. A new mother myself to our Constance Charity “Steadfast, Unfailing Love.” She’s eleven weeks old and counting! Oh, it goes by so fast.
CHERISH.
One of my favorite gifts was from my Mother in Law, crosstitched, cheesy and completely unmatching to my home design reads “Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow. For babies grow up, we learn to our sorrow. So cobwebs be quiet and dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”
Oh, my heart. Rock, love and enjoy.
Peace to you sister.
I. Just. Love. This. A new mother myself to our Constance Charity “Steadfast, Unfailing Love.” She’s eleven weeks old and counting! Oh, it goes by so fast.
CHERISH.
One of my favorite gifts was from my Mother in Law, crosstitched, cheesy and completely unmatching to my home design reads “Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow. For babies grow up, we learn to our sorrow. So cobwebs be quiet and dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”
Oh, my heart. Rock, love and enjoy.
Aaaah, and THIS is why I love reading your heart. I mean your blog.
Thank you for the refreshing reminder that super-poopy-mom days and century old cheerios – that I too often insert into my mouth before thinking – aren’t only features on my daily planner.
What refreshing honesty! How true, and how many times I had these same thoughts especially in those early days. Thanks so much for sharing.
Thank you for being honest. I’m learning a lot at the moment that real faith is about deep and authentic honesty, whatever the circumstances. Oh, and if you happened to be in my neighbourhood feel free to pop in for a coffee and completely ignore my mess.
I just had to link to this on FB. I would have written this if i could get my thoughts together. My baby is 2 weeks old and spent the weekend in the hospital with a mystery illness. Thank you for being so honest.
Tell it like it is! Love it.
Di
@clanmommy
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m nearly crying tears of relief. I used to try so hard to do it all right, keep things in order, look so perfect, but it came so hard as I was not trained as a child to keep a home or care for little ones. Add to that my three special needs kids, with developmental delays and seizures and ADHD and… I finally got to a place where I just don’t care anymore what people think. I do all I can everyday without exhausting myself. When people make their comments (usually people who have never been in my shoes and wouldn’t lift a finger to help me if I needed it), I remember Who it is I am truly serving and give Him my best knowing that He is gracious and doesn’t expect perfection. He provided the perfection for us through Jesus. Praise God!!
Oh – I’ve been there … am there and my littles aren’t so little anymore. My youngest is in all day kindergarten. I have “the whole day” to myself, but never get nearly enough done for this world’s eyes. But, I do spend time with friends, go to Bible study, volunteer at school, go on field trips and sometimes read way too many wonderfully inspiring blogs (like yours). And, when my kids are in my midst, I sometimes forget I’ve missed them and wish their noisyness, aggressiveness, sensory challenges, bad moods and whining away. I don’t want to live in the “oh, if I’d only done this better” – nobody has the same kids, the same past or the same present, for that matter. What looks alike to you might be extremely different and I try to remember that (and keep my windows closed when I’m shrieking like a banshee).
thank you for taking the risk to be vulnerable. I pray your words carry hope and healing into the hearts of all that read it. And may it ripple out to those that my never read this. ‘Thank you’ doesn’t say it well enough, but Thank you for sharing your heart in this way!
** for what its worth… I fretted about “where do I send my kids to school?!” My own childhood was a mix of public school, christian school and homeschooling. I’ve done it all and not one option is without flaws. So I threw out my Pro’s & Con’s list and asked God one question, “What is best for MY kids?” ((He knows my kids better than me, He created them!))
Just keep asking “God, what’s best for US?” And then be obedient to what He says. **
He answered clearly and I had incredible peace. My kids are in public school.
Oh, my goodness. This is making me cry. I am a “new” mom of a 3-year-old bossy little girl. I cannot begin to express to you how much this means to me.
I simply say, “Thank you,” I guess.
I’ve had no sick first trimesters, no 2 a.m. feedings. Yet my life has been nearly as messy–minus the sweet, sweet smell of a newborn baby’s head. My messy life has the distinct aroma of a vanilla cookie candle, and the look of a shiny tile floor. God is not fooled.
I am the one whose house you went to the other day. I do iron. I like to keep things straightened up so that IF someone should stop by, I won’t panic over the messy kitchen or unswept floor. However, no one ever stops by unannounced.
Truth be told, someone with carrots under the couch usually has more friends than someone like me who would fear that someone would accidentally find a carrot under my couch. (Nevermind what said guest would have to be DOING to find a carrot UNDER my couch!!!)
I wouldn’t want a friend who would disown me for a stray chicken nugget under the table. Or dehydrated peas stuck to the counter top. I do want to be my girlfriend with a mountain of children piled on her lap, leaving dusty trails of little finger prints all over her black t-shirt. I am blessed with friends who let me cry ugly, and eat mac and cheese straight from the pan on their stove. They are teaching me these lessons of trading a clean space for laughing in wonder at those you love.
Life may be full of ugly. Circumstances may make mud pies in your bathtub. There are no brownie points for scrubbing behind your toilet when we get to heaven. However, if I choose to scrub behind the toilet of my dear friend with 4 potty training little ones, then she may make me brownies.
Yesterday my son found a shrivelled up moldy mandarin orange under the microwave cart that had been there, well, since Christmas and last week I had a friend over for lunch and I DID NOT clean my house beforehand! Being a good mom isn’t about perfection. Great post!
my kids are way past newborn stage… and lately I think I am doing worse than I did back then!!
Very good post. Clean and organized homes can wait. Capture all the moments you can with your children. One day, you will wake up and they will be 24 and on their own getting ready to be married and start their own family.
Blessings
Oh, oh! So good! Thank you for this…
May I add this, with gentleness:
Whether we have it all together or we don’t, true freedom says we rest right where we are, right where God has called me. I’ve spent the last few years pretending to be LESS, and is this any more reproachable than pretending to be MORE? Don’t tell anyone, but I love to clean and to cook and to decorate. When we have people coming over, I am constantly wondering if I should make things look a bit less organized. Isn’t that sad?!?? Do I have to pretend? If we really are free indeed, we are free to be exactly who He made us. I don’t have an artistic bone in my body, I’m not athletic or attractive – I could be overly intimidated by other women in these areas, and perhaps the state of my house intimidates them. OR we could all let down our guard, and just be real – no matter which way we feel judged, or inadequate (either by ourselves or someone else, for good or for bad).
The only place where we can find true rest – true “be still and know that I am God” rest – is in Christ alone.
I rejoice with you, in His strength, and His freedom – to laugh and weep and clean or not!
Resting in Him,
Karen
Yes and Amen! It’s not about being tidy or untidy, buy simply being real with and for one another.
Just hopped over here from Ann@Holy Experience. LOVE this post–had family pop in today when I haven’t even attempted to pick up the cheerios smashed underfoot in more than a week. Lipstick has been exiled to dates with the husband & going to worship. It’s wonderful and frustrating all at the same time, what this mothering does to us.
I just wanted to let you know that I love this post. I am a mother of 8 ranging 1-15. 3 girls, 5 boys. I so get this!!!! I also saw this on Ann@Holy Experience.
My sister-in-law just sent me a link to this post, because I’ve got a complementary post over on my blog! Thanks for making so much sense! And for letting us know we’re not the only moms who dwell in imperfection!
Hi Lisa-Jo! Ann Voskamp linked over here and boy, it feels like home! Thanks so much for writing this post. You write from the heart and it’s very encouraging.
Amen and Amen! Exactly how I feel also. Thank you for sharing so candidly and honestly.
Although I no longer have young children running around underfoot, the underlying desire to have the place look good for others and to have myself appear sane continues to this day. It is a foolish fight against pride, one which I should have surrendered to long ago, knowing that my friends and family share my occasional lack of sanity and my feeling that there are many things more important than a pristine clean house. This struggle along with a comment from my husband this morning led me to a post on this subject.
Thanks for your writing. You speak for so many and help us all remember that we are more alike than we realize, warts and all!
I was so relieved to find out other mothers resent their older children when a younger one is born. Here’s what I wrote about it: http://blogs.lifeway.com/blog/parentlife/2011/02/from-one-to-two-adventures-in-plural-parenting-by-jessie-weaver.html
Let’s keep being honest. It sure saves my sanity.
I love this! Hope you and the family are doing well! Take care. Shannon Cothran
Wish more people would be forthright! There was an article a while back that talked about how we all tend to make our lives look perfect on our blogs, and then we read all the more perfect blogs and feel like everyone has a better life, and is more together than we are. But it’s not true! Everyone gets sad, has problems, and ignores those carrots sometimes! I’m not afraid to admit it!
i think it is only helpful for you to have me say those things if they are true. it wasn’t a problem for me. i had plenty of warts and was far from being able to carry of the “perfect” image. however, there were women who truly had-it-together in areas that i didn’t. if they had tried to pretend that they were a mess in those areas, it would have been fake and discouraging to me too.
it was helpful to learn that not all of us are weak in the same places. it is encouraging to have a friend who is strong in ways i am weak. we can talk and i can learn and watch her and see what she does and how she manages those places she is strong. it encourages me that i don’t have to continue in my mess forever. i can learn from others, change habits and grow. that is truly encouraging!
Thank you so much for this. For the last six months we have been totally alone because we were restationed. I totally get the whole dreaming of having family near. Also thank you for being so candid. I have felt like I am a terrible mom because I lose it. It is good to know I’m not the only one.
This was so good to read, having been up half the night with my 1 year old, thousands of miles from my family. We live and work in the Philippines @ http://www.faith.edu.ph Faith Academy.
Its good to know I’m not the only one who has lost it from time to time. But thanks to Gods Grace we can get over it and continue the next day, a day at a time, even if we need the stong coffee and the match sticks to keep those eyes open .
from Ros
Isn’t it funny how we try to put out this facade of perfection? And then feel guilty when we fail to uphold it??
Sometimes ‘good enough’ is just that.
Thanks for a little dose of reality on the internet!