For the days when you want to quit motherhood

Thumbnail image for For the days when you want to quit motherhood October 13, 2011

This post is for my little cousin, Bronwen, who’s at the one year mark of motherhood.
And it’s for you.
This post is for those days when “getting over yourself” is the last thing an exhausted, I-can’t-take-it-anymore, run down mother needs to hear.

Can I just take your sweet face between my hands and look into your tired [...]

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Maybe the best way to get over yourself

Thumbnail image for Maybe the best way to get over yourself October 12, 2011

I like sleep.
I like spending hours reading books, alone, in perfect quiet, in a pool of sunlight on a late fall afternoon.
I like a clean and tidy house. I like to eat food while it is still hot. I like clean clothes. I like to brush and style my hair in more than 2 minute [...]

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How to be successful at anything

Thumbnail image for How to be successful at anything October 10, 2011

And I get her out of the bath and wrap her up in shiny, skeins of softness that compliment her still brand new skin. I burrito her into my arms and we both laugh and the air smells like baby lotion and love.
These are my big moments. No one sees them but me and her.

I [...]

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How to see nothing routine about your routine

Thumbnail image for How to see nothing routine about your routine October 5, 2011

All the dishes get done even if all the laundry doesn’t. I wipe down that table top that wobbles on four legs that have been loosely unhinged ever since we had boys. Paper towel and hand smooth over the old paint splotches that won’t come off and the scratches that no one admits to making.
My [...]

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I want my kids to know I was more than their mom

Thumbnail image for I want my kids to know I was more than their mom September 29, 2011

I want my kids to know me.

Not some perfect version of me. And not just the mommy side either.
I want them to know how much I loved books and what a great kisser I thought their dad was. I want them to know that like my mom before me, a favorite thing to do was [...]

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It’s the moments no one knows about that matter

Thumbnail image for It’s the moments no one knows about that matter September 27, 2011

Boys clamor for more ice cream and the baby wants milk.
The day winds down slow and rough and my head aches between the whining of one and the frustration of another. I can’t find his favorite bear; I hear rudeness leak out of every syllable his brother speaks.
This is the hard love.
The biting down on [...]

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What full circle looks like

Thumbnail image for What full circle looks like September 13, 2011

Fifteen years ago I stood in the same place I stood last night.

I was 21 and about to fall for the Midwestern boy with the green eyes who was trying to steal third base. Spring on the Washington DC mall – it was a cherry blossom love story.
I couldn’t have known.
I couldn’t have known that fifteen years [...]

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What women {in real life} can do for your soul

Thumbnail image for What women {in real life} can do for your soul September 12, 2011

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
~Horatio G. Spafford

My mom chose that hymn for her funeral. It was her prayer for those of us left behind. And as her just-turned-eighteen-year-old only daughter I [...]

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Balancing the happy ending

Thumbnail image for Balancing the happy ending September 5, 2011

The lovers in movies kiss in shades of intimate sunset.
Wind and light and time stand still for them. Their moments are filled with space to breathe and exhale and savor. They hold hands. They look long and deep into the insides of each other’s eyes to interpret what lingers there. They read one another like [...]

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One way to quiet the nagging voice of mother guilt

Thumbnail image for One way to quiet the nagging voice of mother guilt August 25, 2011

Sometimes the specter of mother guilt chases so hard after us it’s hard to hear anything else. It’s always there nipping at our heels, whispering in our ears, weaseling into our heads. Right when we think the day’s gone well, it slips into bed next to us and reminds us of all we could have [...]

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