I want my kids to know I was more than their mom

Thumbnail image for I want my kids to know I was more than their mom September 29, 2011

I want my kids to know me.

Not some perfect version of me. And not just the mommy side either.
I want them to know how much I loved books and what a great kisser I thought their dad was. I want them to know that like my mom before me, a favorite thing to do was [...]

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When you finally figure out that mama does know best

Thumbnail image for When you finally figure out that mama does know best September 28, 2011

There was a time and a church where women didn’t tell their hard stories.
I was a sleep deprived brand new mom who wished someone else would whisper in her ear that they missed going to the movies as much as I did. If she was alive, I would have asked my mom if that was [...]

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It’s the moments no one knows about that matter

Thumbnail image for It’s the moments no one knows about that matter September 27, 2011

Boys clamor for more ice cream and the baby wants milk.
The day winds down slow and rough and my head aches between the whining of one and the frustration of another. I can’t find his favorite bear; I hear rudeness leak out of every syllable his brother speaks.
This is the hard love.
The biting down on [...]

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What full circle looks like

Thumbnail image for What full circle looks like September 13, 2011

Fifteen years ago I stood in the same place I stood last night.

I was 21 and about to fall for the Midwestern boy with the green eyes who was trying to steal third base. Spring on the Washington DC mall – it was a cherry blossom love story.
I couldn’t have known.
I couldn’t have known that fifteen years [...]

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For when the walls are closing in

Thumbnail image for For when the walls are closing in September 6, 2011

He comes to find me in the dark. Eyes squinted against my bedside lamp, he whispers, “Mama. Mama I gotta be by you.”
Bad dreams and hot summer nights drive him out of his bed, down the hallway and into mine. And I, I who crave space like oxygen at the end of some days, open [...]

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Balancing the happy ending

Thumbnail image for Balancing the happy ending September 5, 2011

The lovers in movies kiss in shades of intimate sunset.
Wind and light and time stand still for them. Their moments are filled with space to breathe and exhale and savor. They hold hands. They look long and deep into the insides of each other’s eyes to interpret what lingers there. They read one another like [...]

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How to love a mean kid

Thumbnail image for How to love a mean kid August 22, 2011

Jackson didn’t invite the mean boy in his class to his birthday party.
He wanted to.
He took the invitation to school. He put it in the boy’s cubby. But when I came to pick him up later the white envelope and “Come Kick with me at my Tae Kwon Do” party invitation were back in Jackson’s [...]

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The surprising place that ugly sometimes comes from

Thumbnail image for The surprising place that ugly sometimes comes from August 10, 2011

We’re talking about beauty this week.
And as I sit and watch my oldest-about-to-turn-six-year-old son at Tae Kwon Do all lean and long, lithe graceful limbs – this strong, man of a boy – an image of him as a newborn superimposes itself on the Jackson I see before me.
Suddenly I’m back in a thatch roof [...]

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How to spot the extra in {the every day} ordinary

Thumbnail image for How to spot the extra in {the every day} ordinary August 4, 2011

I’m home.
I’m full.
And even though it was 4am when I finally stumbled tired suitcase in the door of our little white house to find that sleeping baby girl and wrap myself around her, I made it home and that’s all that matters.
Travel is fun and wonderful even when it’s exhausting.
To me, there’s nothing more remarkable [...]

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How to hard wire a memory into your six-year-old

Thumbnail image for How to hard wire a memory into your six-year-old July 11, 2011

My dad bounces along with Jackson on the back of an open Land rover. We’ve spent the day with elephants, meerkats, cheetahs and an assortment of snakes. The wind blows our chapped cheeks in this dry winter sunshine and our hair will be hard to untangle tonight.
We are dirty, disheveled and so full of the [...]

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